Monday, 2 July 2012

FEELING BAD TONIGHT

I am feeling bad tonight or rather I have a bad feeling. For years I would get these feelings not really knowing why. I consider myself to be a very sensitive person. I have sensed that for the past three weeks my eldest is not coping too well.

Problem is he is a closed book, he just will not open up and I just don't know how to reach him let alone help him but what I do know is unless we engage I am useless.

He had called me earlier to let me know he was catching up with a "friend" after work. Well not a friend in my book, the person you would run too when all else fails, someone who will give you something to help with the pain. A last resort and as I sit here I will remind him again inside my mind.

I was blind once my darling, wonderful son but I will never be blind again and you can no longer hide things from me.

I know what these feelings are, they are my alarm bells and I know its my son who is ringing them, we all have our bells especially us mothers.

So as time passes and I am too scared to check to see if he has missed the last bus. I wonder what kind of state he is in, is he safe. I will try to call him and his phone will be off, all I can do is wait, he has grown up now, legal to come and go as he pleases and in reality slips out of my hands.

The reality of living with the long term effects of child abuse